A SWIFT ONE: Festival Calendar

some famous beer quotes...

“The most important thing to remember about drunks is that drunks are far more intelligent than non-drunks. They spend a lot of time talking in pubs, unlike workaholics who concentrate on their careers and ambitions and never develop their higher spiritual values or explore the insides of their head like a drunk does.” - Shane McGowan

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.–Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.–William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.–Ernest Hemingway

"Some miners (in the town where he started his journalism career) would have 20 pints after a hard day in the mine. Now that we sit behind computers all day, this is down to 18 or 19 pints." -- Michael Jackson

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.–Ernest Hemingway

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.–Dean Martin

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.–G.K. Chesterton

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.–Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.–Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.–Anonymous

"I love the smell of hops in the morning. It smells like victory. " -- Nick Floyd, Three Floyds Brewing, Hammond, Ind.

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.– Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?–W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.–Anonymous

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.–David Daye

"Here's to beer, so amber and pure. Not as sweet as a woman's lips, But a damn sight more sincere." -- Old Irish Toast

"They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsener Beer' on the label. It is a crime." -- Michael Jackson

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.–Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.–Henry Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.–Michelle Mastrolacasa

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.–Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?–Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven…–Brian O’Rourke

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.–Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.–Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.–Plato

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.–Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.–Deep Thought Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.–Dave Barry

"Beer made from corn, rice, or wheat is about as much beer as butter made from beef scraping...or sugar made from old rags." - The Milwaukee News, 1878

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.–Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.–Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.–Homer Simpson

I drink to make other people interesting.–George Jean Nathan

All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me - so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.–Homer Simpson

A SWIFT ONE

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Festival Calendar

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